{"id":124891,"date":"2015-08-02T00:38:26","date_gmt":"2015-08-02T04:38:26","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.bahamasb2b.com\/news\/target\/a-comics-view-hard-card-sharkis-air-miles-allyson-and-carnivals-chinese-arithmetic"},"modified":"2015-08-02T00:38:26","modified_gmt":"2015-08-02T04:38:26","slug":"a-comics-view-hard-card-sharkis-air-miles-allyson-and-carnivals-chinese-arithmetic","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.bahamasb2b.com\/news\/2015\/08\/a-comics-view-hard-card-sharkis-air-miles-allyson-and-carnivals-chinese-arithmetic","title":{"rendered":"A Comic’s View: Hard Card Sharkis, Air Miles Allyson And Carnival\u2019s Chinese Arithmetic"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"A<\/a>By Inigo \u2018Naughty\u2019 Zenicazelaya<\/em><\/p>\n

As I look back over the past few days, I must admit as a professional stand-up comedian, the greasepaint was free flowing, so to speak.<\/p>\n

So let\u2019s have a look at the final portrait of the week that was.<\/p>\n

A Shark is Born<\/strong><\/p>\n

It\u2019s safe to say Baha Mar is everywhere. Not only can you see the paused paradise from multiple vantage points throughout New Providence, everybody has an opinion on how this bad \u201csoap opera\u201d is playing out.<\/p>\n

In this week\u2019s episode, Sarkis Izmirlian, despite his \u201cpaper Bahamian\u201d status, proved he might have ventured under a dilly tree or two before and learned to play the game like a \u201creal Bahamian\u201d with his shrewd manoeuvring.<\/p>\n

Bold moves – including published letters and a radio interview – got the public\u2019s attention and judging by Facebook and Instagram (which are never wrong) many young Bahamians who were on the fence before are now beginning to root for him.<\/p>\n

Basically, Sarkis Izmirlian has positioned Prime Minister Perry Christie between a rock and a great wall, forcing his hand like a cagey card player.<\/p>\n

If we are talking a game of dominos, it seems Sarkis holds the key and by signalling his willingness to put up an additional $200 million and insisting \u201cBahamian\u201d contractors and construction workers finish the project, he has made a play that equates to a masterful move. In others words, \u201che just jook hard card, in Perry backyard\u201d.<\/p>\n

The offer to employ Bahamian contractors does seem the sensible play at this point, especially in light of a fellow Caribbean nation like Guyana making the audacious move to suspend construction work on an airport project contracted to a Chinese firm – and backed by a China EXIM Bank loan – in which questions of quality and safety have come to the forefront.<\/p>\n

What bold moves do our leaders have up their sleeves?<\/p>\n

Besides all the \u2018Legum Baccalaureus\u2019 scurrying around like white-wigged worker ants before a tornado, trying to grab some of the alleged $4 million plus spent so far on all this legal jousting, little has been accomplished.<\/p>\n

So I would hope to see Prime Minister Christie and Mr Izmirlian kiss and make up, and work together toward restarting the stalled Baha Mar project \u2013 no more crazy talk, no more \u201csleeping on the couch\u201d, no more bad \u201cfortune\u201d cookies.<\/p>\n

But if the games continue, I hope the Prime Minister\u2019s advisers have examined this administration\u2019s cards closely: you can\u2019t simply dismiss Mr Izmirlian as an \u201coutsider\u201d because generations X, Y and these pesky, social media savvy Millennials and their \u201cTwitter fingers\u201d do not see him that way.<\/p>\n

Despite their shared Armenian ancestry, he\u2019s no Kardashian (Sarkis actually graduated from Georgetown University, without having to \u201cdate\u201d the entire varsity basketball team in order to do so) but is more like a card shark, who is betting on Bahamian contractors and his so-called Baha Mar citizens.<\/p>\n

Mr Izmirlian (who could have bought a few NFL franchises and a baseball team or two for what he has invested here) struck a chord with the young populace this week by \u201ckeeping it real\u201d with his blunt statements, and despite his being somewhat soft spoken I think you can now call him \u201cSharkis,\u201d \u201cMegladon\u201d even! (In my \u201cSnagglepuss\u201d voice.)<\/p>\n

Allyson in Wonderland<\/strong><\/p>\n

I\u2019ll be honest, there\u2019s not enough pork fried rice in all of China to make me undertake the fatiguing mission our Attorney General, Allyson Maynard Gibson, has been on with her back-and-forth continent crossing these past few weeks.<\/p>\n

Not only has the Prime Minister relied on her legal expertise in negotiations, but the government has also called on her top diplomatic skills as she tried to cut a deal – two big jobs for one \u201ciron lady\u201d.<\/p>\n

Fast forward a billion frequent flyer miles and a million man hours and we still don\u2019t have a single steamed dumpling to show for it. But I don\u2019t blame the Attorney General. Many in the media \u2013 particularly the talking heads \u2013 have given her a bad scorecard for her efforts but, personally, I think she should be commended.<\/p>\n

She\u2019s carried an entourage the size of Eleuthera with her (which is no doubt costing us a few trillion a day) whom she has relied on and managed, while getting orders from Nassau which may, or may not, make negotiating easy.<\/p>\n

Why can\u2019t the China Construction America, China EXIM bank and Baha Mar officials meet here in the capital? We\u2019ve now sent a delegation twice, which has no doubt cost us a gazillion dollars, and as someone somewhere said before, this is all about … \u201csovereignity.\u201d<\/p>\n

So, with that in mind, we cordially invite all interested parties to move the party from Beijing back to the Bahamas.<\/p>\n

Besides, we need better Chinese cuisine here anyway, so add a few chefs to the entourage from China please. Use your frequent flyer miles if you need to.<\/p>\n

Carnival – who\u2019s counting?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Carnival has come and gone … and so has our money. Juicy Lucy, you have some explaining to do!<\/p>\n

If I knew that hitting \u201cda road\u201d and all that dancing and gyrating was shaking the dollars from the public treasury and the pennies from my pocket, I would have stayed home. No wonder there were masks everywhere during Carnival; it feels like a big time stickup went down.<\/p>\n

After months of waiting, we finally got some numbers in from Mr Paul Major, Chairman of the Bahamas National Festival Commission, and as many guessed weeks ago we took a giant L on this one (aka Epic Failure).<\/p>\n

Not only did we go over our $9 million budget by $3 million, we failed to generate the kinds of returns on our investment we were led to expect.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m no mathematician but, according to reports, more than $12 million grew artificial, glittery feathers and flew away, and apparently over $4 million of those aren\u2019t flying back.<\/p>\n

What happened to the \u201cprojected\u201d $50 million that was to be made from Carnival? Somewhere in \u201cde fete\u201d I guess.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s a lot of blame to go around for this one. Was it the government\u2019s fault for this half-baked Junkanoo Carnival idea? Was it the commission\u2019s fault for not securing that big name artist that could be marketed globally? (FYI, you can\u2019t book an A list \u201cheadliner\u201d six weeks out.)<\/p>\n

We spent $13 million to make $6 million. What kind of Chinese arithmetic is that?<\/p>\n

Was it Mr Major\u2019s fault for not providing proper leadership on a project so important, and in need of professional guidance on its inaugural run?<\/p>\n

The truth is, I don\u2019t know who should tote the most blame, but some blame needs to be toted.<\/p>\n

What I do know is that Bahamians should be applauded.<\/p>\n

If the numbers are true, over 115,000 Bahamians supported the various Carnival events despite many having misgivings about attending.<\/p>\n

Sadly, here we are again though; holding the (empty) bag on another failed government initiative.<\/p>\n

Just ask the \u201cvendors\u201d and musical artists who won their various categories, who are still waiting for their money, if you don\u2019t want to take my word for it.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know where the government stands on the future of this event but one thing is certain: you cannot run a Junkanoo Carnival the way you did this time around and, above all, you cannot go over budget.<\/p>\n

My advice is to start making some cuts this very minute, and the top is always a good place to start.<\/p>\n

Timber!!<\/p>\n

\u2022 Inigo \u2018Naughty\u2019 Zenicazelaya is the resident stand-up comic at Jokers Wild Comedy Club at the Atlantis, Paradise Island, resort and presents \u2018Mischief and Mayhem in da AM\u2019 on KISS FM 96.1 from 6am to 10am, Monday to Friday. He also writes a sports column in The Tribune on Tuesday. Comments and questions to naughty@tribunemedia.net.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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